Only this is "Polnarren", a Cornish village that would very much like to be Summer Bay/Palm Beach but sadly lacks any inhabitants with even an E-grade GCSE in surfing. And let's face it, we all know what British summers are really like. No amount of upping the colour saturation on Polnarren beach to fluorescent yellow can disguise the grizzled skies.
Susan Penwarden, better known as Tiffany from Eastenders, appears to be on a fairground ride or something in the opening titles. This does nothing to dispel perceptions that she gave birth to two strapping teenagers aged about 12, sired by Hugo Speers. What also doesn't help is having Susie Amy hanging around, who looks a perfectly-preserved late-thirties despite her claims to a 1980s birthdate.
In the local pub, where Mrs McCluskey is now works behind the bar, things are even more confusing. There's nothing strange about a London schoolmistress choosing to spend her retirement in Cornwall, but she has also picked up a Cornish accent over the years. As has Mike Baldwin, who surely only departed the North West (and this earth) a few months ago? Adding to the accent mayhem is Jason Donovan's bizarre British twang - is he hoping to get his children into Eton? - which inspires distinctly Australian vowels from chirpy cockney "Old Cornwall" Susan Penwarden in the followingly exquisitely awful exchange:
| Jason: | I went all around the world in my head, and in the end it was the kids who made me realise I belong hyah. | |
| Susan: | Once maybe, but not naow. |
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